Visited my alma mater this weekend...6 months since I graduated. It feels weird, like I'm beyond it all, but yet I should be living with my old roomie and going to class. A creepy feeling eating in the dining hall and walking the old routes again. It was so nice to have a car and go wherever I wanted, though.
I missed everyone there, but I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people, they just seem to slip in and out of my life, or rather that I slip in and out of other peoples' lives. I must cut down on the slippery stuff I add to my life. That's actually a pretty good metaphor for behavior and relationships...since I say so myself.
I wish I could kick this habit of restlessness. I just have to keep moving, keep discovering. I definitely want to go to India next, then Australia. There are so many places I want to go to, so many things I want to do. I believe that you only grow by living, by meeting new people and having new experiences with your old friends. If you don't try, you just stay the same, locked in a pattern of boredom or apathy.
It's sad to see people this way, shufflefeet, topshelf-eyes, stuck in loops of mud, given up on spinning wheels so sink slowly into deep compliance.
I used to fight, to spin my wheels, to keep struggling, usually against an imagined enemy, or against the wrong thing, but always for the right reasons. But it's so easy to let others fight for you. It's so easy to just want happiness and separate yourself from the world. And I hate seeing myself slip away into obscure happiness.
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