Letting Go of the Line

Western culture believes life is to be lived forward, with one hand kept to the straight line of time. Every second in time is created at the precise moment it occurs. There is no such thing as a future that exists ahead of the present. There is also no way to retrace your steps into the past. A glass wall that presses at your back lets memories be displayed without letting travellers mar the annals of history.

On Saturday afternoon, H. called. His period of sorting things out and getting his life back on track is over. He, obviously, wants us to get back together...realized during our time apart that he loves me more than ever, etc. I bluntly told him that I want to pursue my dreams, to become a game designer or possibly animator, and that the former was only possible in the U.S. (or, possibly, Canada or the U.K.). Certainly, game design programs of study are only available in select cities in the U.S. I told him he would have to leave his country, come here, and work or study here. That is the only way I would even consider getting back together with him - on my terms.

I called him back on Sunday (during the hour-and-a-half free time I had, though it only took twenty minutes) and read his e-mail at his request. In such, he unexpectedly promised to leave it all behind (once done with his studies at the Institute, which would be after another semester) and come to the U.S. to be with me. Ends of the earth, blah blah blah. I did not accept that, and told him I would only consider it if X, not Y, for his good as well as mine (I do not want to get into it all on this blog). Agreed to see him online on Thursday.

Now the fate would seem to rest in my hands. Do I move forward, eyes stoically trained on the blank desert before me? Feeling my way as the rope forms beneath my hands? Or do I let go of the line?

Dan and I had a wonderful time at Revels yesterday - more on that later.

Temporary Soundtrack: "Blue Sky Blue" <-- searching for the artist. Heard on WFDU on Saturday afternoon, 10th Dec. 2005, on I believe a program called "Carnival of Song."
Quote Trapped in My Head: Mixed up quotes from TDIR series, "Come live with me and be my love", and a few Revels songs.
What I Learned Today: Well, yesterday, actually. What Christmas Revels really entail. Mummers' plays, music, dance, and stories, and lots of fun! Thanks, Dan!