Neatly, like Modern Art

I wanted to be gone
when you came back
wanted to be unavailable
when you called
wanted one thousand ways
to burn you
To pierce you to the quick
until you withered away

I wanted my actions
to spell out revenge
neatly, like modern art
yellow letters on blue sky
to have kissed ten men
or even one or two
to have hate-laughed my way
out of loving you

I wanted to destroy
to feel restless again
slinking and taut
in my own skin
to ease the mask of apathy
let the darkness out
I wanted to whisper
sordid details in your ear

I wanted to be
so many things
heartless, merciless
in the arms of another
when you came back
I would have iron walls
with no gates
would trick you then flick you
out of an embrace

But I forgot love
love is careless and unashamed
frivolous and stubborn
it will not die in winter
it urges me to
set myself aflame
to keep you warm
to stay and not stray

So it's a heaven-sent blessing
that I am deaf and blind
my tongue is leaden
my breath cold and weak
when you come to me
flippant or repentant
bleeding or proud
it will not be long

it will not be long
until you bow your head
before you kneel
crumbling like a weary statue
with snow warping your hands
as you watch me
walk away
swift with the current.

~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~