Unhelpful As Always

~~~~Little Pink Heart~~~
This patch on my skin
I don't quite know what it means.
I'm the girl who wakes up with scars in odd places
But I affixed this patch to my ribs.
Does it mean I'm sick?
Will it bring illness to me?
Does it mean I fight the unseen,
Or rather the seen-through-society's-filter way I see?

What is it doing to me, that I can't do myself?
I should do this without help.
Is it cheating death? Or is it worth it
To cheat death to win back life?
Who do I hope to win over with this bit of plastic?
Am I a child, presenting the bright pink sticker
To my friend, to the teacher, to show everyone
That I am the place to be, the one to be inside?

No one ever could get inside me
I tried so very hard to push away, to open up
But I run too slow to catch up to
My mind spins and pulls little fractals of emotion
And none of them add up to make sense
On a daily basis. It's too thick, my membrane
I can't even steal through it.
How can you hope to? Do you hope to?

So why this attempt? Will it prove
That I am stronger, better, more alive?
Will it hurt me? Am I afraid I will do more damage
To my should-be-greatful body or to my
Ineffectual, wavering mind? I don't feel it working.
I hate that word, placebo. My mind is too wary to fall
Into traps of the heart. I hate you, mirror heart.
Are you pink, too? Open me up, boys, see my sticker throb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~Jumbled~~~~~

Memory wiped
I writhe in dreams
Flashes of fear
Sting me while awake.

It's not a fog,
It's a carousel image
Gone sane;
Jumbled and reformed.

Not a pretty
Puzzle am I.
Half-moon marks
Would show a caring world.

Fall apart, me?
Impossibility wears
The corners of
Visions of oddly soothing filters.

Logic no longer
Reigns when disoriented.
Shattered memories form
A vast twisted museum.

Faith lies to me
Soft feathers in my ears
I can no longer hear
My own weak sounds.

Protest too little
For anger tidal waves
Vengeance has no bite:
I can read a million variations.

Wrong, skin was
To be kept safe
Make room for invisible bruises
I hope it was broken at birth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I ask is that you don't try to pass my poetry off as someone else's or your own, or in some bizarre crime-fighting superhero scenario. If you want to use any of my blog, let me know! I learned to share years ago...I'm pretty good at it...I think...Hey, give me that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unhelpful laugh of the day: "Holy soothing feathers, Batman!" Muahahaha!