Cheapverses

So tired that I'm seeing weird flashes while I'm coming up from the basement into the darkened kitchen in a nearly empty house. You know those flashes and bizarre traces you see when you've been staring at a computer or movie screen too long (both of which I did today, thanks L., A., and E. for an awesome hysterical time -- the cow was freed by the claw, gotta be a first!). But I promised myself I would put up some of my cheapverses (though they cost me a bit emotionally) to have a record of them other than that on my clogged and tired Mac.

Back to work in the city tomorrow, on M.A. and Nature (hippos). Then we'll have a Buffyfest (hopefully), and I will be able to rest my weary eyes and overthink and overanalyze as usual, or maybe I can sleep. Get to talk to H. tomorrow too, got in too late and couldn't hear him on that darn cell -- stupid overseas connections -- and I told him to visit me in my dreams. He's asking me to come every time I talk to him, now, it hurts not to be able to just fly to him, to be at his side, but I know we are both strong and that it will be worth the wait. I hope, sometimes I think this is an insane romance, and that it will all be so different when I see him again that it will be a huge waste of my money and time and his...but then other times I remember how only he can make me laugh when I am mad at him, when I don't want to laugh. Only he can pick me up after a long day of being sick or upset or annoyed. I remember how everything we did seemed magical, whether we just talked and walked around Vina or whether we traveled for hours to see beautiful beaches. I wonder how he would like it where I live. I wonder if he would want to leave his country for me, or whether he will ever have to.

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~~~~~~~~Faster~~~~~~~~
Run fast move free through the fields
model rockets eaten by the forever trees
hay; strong, sweet smell before cut & bale,
crisp strands below the aching restless feet.
Smooth surface hides depressions of dark earth,
where wilderness lives, winds change toward
groves of infant trees. Could bend them easily,
dented tough skin moving over deep land.
Forest conceals eons of imaginings,
surveyors' ghosts measure topography or moving bodies.
Dreams of wildflower crowns kept at bay by
realities of house fules and ground of cement.

Run faster move freer stop to leap or no.
Deer charge forward from red house goal,
clouds: fake snow cloth, see-through fantasies.
no lying down! Pass-over winds move bright
Vivid kites hearts tied to tails for stability.
Soar through cartwheels and collapsed dances,
moments stolen in early morning worship life.
Spirits so liberated, confines, never to touch skin.
Reconcile expected and wild nature. Thorns
mix blood and earth: old magic, no owners
belong to universal forces uncontrolled,
unlayer simple freedom over earth to fly.

Run fastest, move freer than ever to escape
memory of time almost tamed as much as can.
Touch outer insides no emotion hatred not
stong enough to describe disgust at control.
Could never domesticate indomitable but
every sweet smell invades, bitterness stays.
Increased bonds: silicon spider webs whisper
man-made shadows over path of sun all over.
One refuge: free spirits roam green true eyes,
races over crisp hay not yet baled in sunrise
pounding of earth dried with blood sky fed
to wild outrunning spirit, pure vibrant life.
~~AEW~~
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Too rough
too bold
too sexy for my own damn goods
To barter, so sell me
to yourself and forget that I mind
If you're late coming out

Too sweet
too smart
too stifled to swat mosquitoes of
velvet words covering my skin.
Nobody likes an introspective woman
And Shakespeare doesn't give
good enough head to make it
worth the effort.

Too talkative
too daring
too cold when it is time to curl
me around your fingers that
puncture my callouses, little missiles
seeking your idea of the truth.
Off the vine that I cut to escape
from you, the better to hate the
roots by disassociation.

Too black
too white
too red for this flourescent hospital
light of ages that I power
with flailing veins.
I would inspire you where it hurts but
there's not enough space to hate
and you'd think I was playing along.
You like the hard chase, the fast win
and the easy sandbox where your
plastic dinosaurs never go hungry.
Nobody likes the herbivores, they
remind us that we take the easy way out,
that extinction is self-inflicted
battery drainage.

Too alive
too inspired
too blunt to be a murder weapon of the
stars; preservation is no consolation
for lemons and their sweetest seeds.
Bring me a double take and you can
take my appetite with images loved and lost long.

Too perfect
too excited
too strange to change my mind about
a voyage that destroys your blow-up
motorboats and makes my paper sails
bow and smile.
Too much.

~~AEW~~
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