On Our Way

To winter!
That means it's time for delicious cold, refreshing wind, and drinking your weight in hot cocoa.

Also means time for gift shopping, which is one of my favorite things to do, even with the economy...hmmm...shall we say, feeling a bit under the weather?

It just means you have to be more creative, and buy less for yourself during those forays into shops.

As much as I used to love wrapping presents in complimentary colors, picking appropriate paper for a child's toy and an adult's serious book, I appreciate the fun of getting an unmarked package, something wrapped in newspaper or handmade wrapping, or even a brown paper bag.

The anticipation, for me, is always greater when waiting for a friend to open a gift (I can never keep from giving them as soon as possible, just to get that pleasant rush sooner) than when opening my own presents. Part of the fun is the surprise, and part of it is in the hope that this gift means as much to the recipient as it meant to you to pick it out, or make it, care for it, and give it away.

Hope you all have as much fun as I do gifting!

Timely Soundtrack: "Autopilot" by Queens of the Stone Age off ofRated R.
Quote Trapped in My Head:
"And it is summer, glorious, deep-toned summer,
The very crown of nature's changing year
When all her surging life is at its full.
To me alone it is a time of pause,
A void and silent space between two worlds,
When inspiration lags, and feeling sleeps,
Gathering strength for efforts yet to come.
For life alone is creator of life,
And closest contact with the human world
Is like a lantern shining in the night
To light me to a knowledge of myself.
I love the vivid life of winter months
In constant intercourse with human minds,
When every new experience is gain..."
- Amy Lowell "Summer"
What I Learned Today: Why it pays to do your job in two languages at once.

Home

Now we have arrived
in this new arrangement
strangeness surrounds us
even as we call it home

unfamiliarity
beats our hearts fast
when the lights are out
when wind roars overhead

infuriates us
looking for the lost
pieces of our old lives
and a new set of keys

drives us mad
dervishes of activity
moving dreamlike through
this odd landscape

And this is what we
came here to find?
What we all search for
it's not elusive at all

linguistically, that is
a few slips, trips of the
old tongue before we manage
to get the words right

tripping over old things
falling onto new floors
falling into new arms
and calling this all
home

~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~

Thin and Red

That time again...

Time for autumn to smack us in the face with wet leaves and fire smoke, drown us in fresh apple cider and preservative-laced candy, assault our ears with crunching leaf sounds.

Time to watch the shadows of empty trees grow longer while the days grow weaker, losing their fight with the nights earlier every day.

Time to pretend to be what we're not, and forget what we are, then face the light of day in smeared make-up and rumpled costumes.

Time to race fallen leaves in a headlong rush into winter.

Timely Soundtrack: "Strange Currencies" by R.E.M. off of Monster.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labour by taking up another." - Anatole France.
What I Learned Today: How to know when you've changed.

Newsblipreelflashes

What a time it was, oh what a time it was...
These last few months.

In said past few months I have:
Hiked up a storm, though still not enough...
Participated in a bubble fight in Manhattan...
Gone to four parties in one day...
Played with sparklers...
Seen an Off-Broadway version of Damn Yankees...
Gotten a GPS (Hi, GiGi!)...
Taken mi Ranita sailing, which he loved...
Partied on a roof...
Gone to the Bronx Zoo (rode a camel, again!)...
Taught 20+ children 2 songs and hand motions in 3 days...
Gone to a wake...
Spent time in a hospital trying to help out people I consider family...
Told off a surgeon...
Attended a wedding on a boat cruising the East River...
Broken Meica, my beloved camera...
Played Donkey Kong Country on LB's Super NES...
Gone to the US Open Opening Night...
And most recently, "stolen" Emblem's new 360 (snicker).

And that's not even all of it.

Timely Soundtrack: "Bookends Theme" by Simon and Garfunkel off of Bookends.
Quote Trapped in My Head: See above. "I was too young to clean graves" from "Memorial Day, 1972", a poem by Sherman Alexie.
What I Learned Today: I hate air conditioning.

Flung

So you've
decided
to be cold now
in your bones and in your bed

All those things
I wish I had
you'd rather
throw them out instead

Although the poet
said "rage, rage"
you prefer
to hang your head

You're not just
letting life
go out you're
trying to be dead

And we faithful
are meant to
understand
bite down on our tongues

You can cut out
burn off
all you are
treat it like rotting lungs

For me, please,
be careful
to always know
where your heart you have flung

The thought of
your face without
you behind it
leaves me hurt as one stung

You're better
than this ending
than any
self-imagined disgrace

Worth more than
anyone's words,
of immeasurable value
but if yourself you do replace

You bring the queen
low, become
an empty shell
that wears your old face

Trust the words
of one whose
journey began
in that wretched place

Shut the door
for a moment,
for a year
never throw out the key.

-----------AEW-----------

Scent Marking

Scent marking
my way into your heart
I believe you may have one
you wear it on your sleeve
with a poker face to match

I can't tell if you can love.
Though really, this nose knows
its owner's heart is often fickle
flitting from fragrance to fragrance
mimicking each shift in the wind

But if my native perfume could
but seep into your veins
hide in your arteries, pump into
that quiet heart of yours
for but one beat, one breath, one life

I will consider myself more fortunate
than any who have gone before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Triggers

It's funny how certain words, certain sounds can trigger reactions. I don't mean that you hear "Duck" and adrenaline pumps through you, or even that a song can release a memory - happy or sad - from the depths of your brain. I mean the way you hear a phrase or noise and it hits you, viscerally, with no warning, and before you can even identify the emotion parts of you are reacting.

Last week and this weekend, I had several examples of this slip into my ears. Confusing, maddening, and sometimes melancholy-inducing, that's what memories are for.

Timely Soundtrack: "Pretty Piece of Flesh by One Inch Punch, off of .
What I Learned Today: Sometimes, it's not going to all be alright. Other times, all is well.

Left Socks

You make my kitchen a mess
of cooked eggs and
coffee smells

You carelessly leave
CDs and clothes at my place
your scent on my pillow

Every morning it gets longer
the struggle to wake you up
not let you keep your dreamhold

To push us from the
kiss-sleep-kiss-sleep night
into the no-time day

I guess, in the left socks and
left messages, I see love
in the little things

And hear it when you whisper
barely above a sigh
thinking I am quite asleep

~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~

Primavera

Welcome Spring!

First green so some say
though holly and fir are wick
still, warmth is welcome
----AEW

Body

Dear body of mine,
I must apologize for mistreating you
for putting in you
what I should have spit out
cholesterol and pills
bad food and worse people
defeated thoughts and
dirty habits that stuck
gum-like in the stomach
rotting in you for years
and
always too much salt with
not enough sugar.

For not letting you run
ungainly and hurtling
down grassy slopes or
none-too-carefully through
forests clogged with foot-traps or
letting you leap, uncontrolled
uproariously
when I felt the restlessness
singing a rhythm in my limbs
and
for dancing too much for others
and not enough for us.

For occasionally despising you
wishing parts of you away - all that
time spent in front of the
mirrors of others' eyes
I could not see the beauty in you
meant only for mine
then expecting you to serve me
when I needed you again
kept you living for
one look of satisfaction that
when given, only meant
I congratulated myself.

For falling when you wanted to climb
for resting when you wanted to push
for the disconnect between body and mind
between love of you, body and body-love
for the fire,
for the blame,
for the wire,
for the pain
for never forgiving that one time
we fell, slipped, bobbled
for letting you take the risks and
reaping the rewards with your hands.

Yet I know you forgive me;
what can cells do but reconnect?
I more than love you, so
forgive me when I
do it all again tomorrow; but, someday:
I will push off
from the earth
into the shock of waves
swim kick and float
into the deep, into a bright sun
until you have peace.

~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Car Horn

After a car horn sounds
from upstairs comes a rumbling
As of a great beast moving
shouldn't sound so frightening
so evil
but it does to me
but to her it's her heart quickening
that thrill of a lover arriving
one last
brush of makeup
one last
kiss
At the mirror
and well, it's just
it's just
it is just, isn't it? this justice of fear and love all in one
it's just love and death
the thrill of both might pale
contrasting with the blush
flush and lushness of kissed lips
one last
press of body on body
one last
push of lips on lips
and well, you're just
I'm just
we are just, aren't we? just in this love and as one
And a car horn sounds
breaking them apart
two shadows from one
upstairs my view is obstructed
lights are on that
I don't really need to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~

2008

Long time no write.
New news:
1. I haven't mentioned it before, but I've gone snowboarding three times now, and I absolutely adore it. I dream about it, I daydream about it, and no matter how hard I fall I always want to do more. I wish I could stop falling when I get off the ski lift, though.
2. My lovely boy gave me a Wacom tablet for Birthmas. Having a ton of fun with that one.
3. Two new members to the stuffed animal group: Kelly the frog, named by Emblem and gifted by the boy, and Sharky, designed by Niko and gifted by Sarsie.

Old recaps:
1. In the middle of season 2 of BSG. Shhhh! Don't tell me what happens. Hoping to catch up before March.
2. Wednesday night with the girls is a lot of fun, thanks to some crazy games and crazy girls.

Cool info:
1. Since I was born on a decade year, 20 years before 2000, I can play a little game with my age. On my birthday, I take the first digit of the year ("2" for 2007) and the last digit of the year ("7" for 2007) and get my age: 27. I can play this game until 2010, where I can begin to play another (provided I survive until then): take 20 +10 and get my age. Then in 2011, take 20 +11 and get my...you get the idea. Of course, Salvo can make this claim too. But I knew it way back when I was a kid in 1990.

Timely Soundtrack: "Voodoo" by Godsmack.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Gorilla! Gorilla! Gorilla! Gorilla!" - Alex.

Winter

Winter! Winter! Winter!!!
Jack Frost was always my favorite incarnation.

Horror, Hope, Hugs, and Hedonism

Four things that have taken up my time lately:
1. Enjoying several Horror and Action movies.
a. 30 Days of Night - Why do the vampires waste so much blood? Didn't really see the twist ending coming.
b. Resident Evil: Extinction - Eh, it was all right.
c. Crazy Eights, part of Horrorfest 2007. - Just didn't have enough meat to the story or to the "evil thing" to get the job done.
2. Thinking about the results of my mother's biopsy.
3. New anime series (several) and...
4. Battlestar Galactica, starting from the beginning. Normally I can take or leave Sci-Fi shows, especially those set in space, but the acting of the entire cast pretty much rocks.
That's about it.

Make It Cool

Way to make my week!
This rules.
Always suspected it...I had speculated that the relationship was more than what it seemed to involve, but I had hoped it would be revealed in the book, and thus force the movie producers' hands. I do think it still rocks that she had the guts and the intelligence to reveal it so casually.

Timely Soundtrack: "Use Me" by Bill Withers.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "O Earth! Thy summer song of joy may soar
Ringing to heaven in triumph. I but crave
The sad, caressing murmur of the wave
That breaks in tender music on the shore." - From "Land-Locked" by Celia Thaxter.
What I Learned Today: How to make cream cheese blintzes.

Harvest Time

Autumn should be a time of rich colors, rich friendships, rich food. I still do not like fall, but if I concentrate on the things I like...

MacIntosh Apples
Colder Weather
All Hallow's Eve
Pilgrim Pie
Catching Leaves
Waiting for the First Snow

...I will make it to winter.



Timely Soundtrack: "Mrs. McGrath", the sea chantey.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Where are you going, and what do you wish?" from Winken, Blinken, and Nod.
What I Learned Today: The history of "The Streets of Derry."

Knot

She is a tightly coiled spring
she once was a loosely gathered mass
hair like errant strings
slipping out from her yarn ball hair

threads unraveling inside her
the magic of a zombie, losing
arms and ears and legs and soul
while remaining a whole thing

you would pull on her loose ends
suck on them thoughtlessly
tug her in all directions
slip out a memory to entwine your fingers

With unhappily smooth fingers, you
dig your hands in deep
kneading out arthritic thoughts
you cause more knots than love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poemita en progreso.
~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~

Apology Proposed

We must all apologize to Hummingbird Goes Bucknutty. We missed its fourth birthday. Alas.

So I have not written in a while. I lost my phone, internet, and cable for a week due to a failed port outside. Personal life has been in turmoil, bad luck has plagued me - probably karma, I admit. I dropped my external hard drive, killing it and losing all the information on it - all of my photos and music. I locked myself out of my apartment on the day of my parents' enormous party and was locked out overnight.
I have also gotten back into writing the book I have been working on, finally. And, finally, I worked almost nonstop for a week on the jeans for LizArd's mother's 60th birthday.
Right, so...pretty busy.
Love to all...well, most.

Timely Soundtrack: "Honest James" from Thurston Moore.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Your kind causes unrest". - Bruno to Larry in The War With Mr. Wizzle by Gordon Korman.
What I Learned Today: Someone is from Kenya - no, someone specific.

Certain Things

Certain people
you would do anything for
no, not anything
not stupid, simple things
but hard, aching things
- don't drink so I can is easy -
- cry on your shoulder
about someone else
is a hard one -

- sympathize with me
why I am not loved
by the one I want to be -
is far too difficult
to stand still for
that's why I twitch and shiver so
why I no longer look anyone
in their blind eyes

And I know that this is certain
we are three, occasionally four,
of a kind, entwined still
just because we are so different
yet commiserate so well
I am the glue, you are the pages
ones everyone sees
admires, pores over.

But I have no room
on my tongue for acrid tastes
no chemistry left to be bitter
I am made with sweet paste
An old rhyme says we girls are
sugar-laden and good,
we wait in our candy trays
for hungry men to unwrap us

But certain things
for a certain you
in that certain way you have
of asking me to
I find myself
-hypnotized or willing-
to rise above self-pity-pride
to be able to do

~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~

San Francisco on New Year's Day

Sky caged with iron-smoothed clouds
seals roosting on thrones of debris
riotously ridiculous and honking victory
the wounded - a lemon-headed pelican
limps from post to post
casualties of twisted trees and
leaves shredded by beak and claw
shiver on mossy waves
the sea holds her dead dear
in white-tipped arms
colder than dignity lost
in a scuffle over a bit of fish

~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~

Plants = Home

When you let plants set down roots in or around your home, you know you've set down yours!
Everything is going along swimmingly...sort of. I need to buy some ant killer and hope the maintenance guy calls soon to set up an appointment to plaster the holes in my walls, but I am otherwise happy.

And so are my plants...so far.

Timely Soundtrack: Stuff.
Quote Trapped in My Head: Other Stuff.
What I Learned Today: How to take care of my new Dichondra argentea.

Face, Meet Horizon

Horizon, meet face.
The past week has gone thusly:
1. Thursday afternoon: Received a phone call that my best friend's father had passed away. Then my phone has no service and I am stuck in line at IKEA wondering why the hell chairs matter anymore. I don't need to sit, I need to help. I was able to see my friend that night, in between packing a U-Haul I would only have in my possession for 18 hours or so from Thursday night to Friday morning.
2. Thursday night: Head to NYC with my friend to get her father's car.
3. Friday morning: Take off work to move into apartment with help from my lovely family, siblings, and Roman, waiting for my mattress to arrive. When the salesman calls to tell me he has forgotten to schedule delivery, and that my option are to A. wait until the next Friday (when I will be away) or B. pick it up myself (but not to worry, the store would waive the $50 delivery fee!). Emblem must have scared him when she pretended to be me, for when I called him back, he had hired a private delivery firm and the mattress was set to come.
4. Friday afternoon: The mattress comes. Unfortunately, we have managed to break an ancient chair that my dad had as a kid growing up in Manhattan in the '50s. Good thing he no longer had any attachment to it.
5. Saturday morning: While looking through my things, I realize that a letter has come from the bank telling me my last paycheck was rejected because it was mangled by a machine. Panic. My landlord has just deposited the monstrous check I gave him for my security deposit and half month's rent, and I really hope I have enough to cover it in my bank account, considering it's, oh, I don't know, a HOLIDAY WEEKEND and any deposits I make will be available Tuesday. And my bank never bothered to notify me of this (via e-mail or anything) when it happened a week ago, even though the check was deposited the 16th.
6. Saturday night: Intended to visit with friend, but she got tied up with fam...then a really long involved miscommunication with family ended with me going to the apt. to work on the bathroom at 1:30 in the morning and getting stuck in the garage when I got back.
7. Sunday morning: Late to choir practice because the real estate agents (we think it was them, anyway) turned off the switch that controls the garage doors and I didn't realize it.
8. Sunday night: Had a major sugar low and nearly passed out. Had to force-feed myself orange juice and yoghurt, then had a migraine and could barely swallow pills. Spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in the heat (fan was at the apartment, and my screens are still not on).
9. Monday: Tried to put drawer liner in kitchen drawers, realize that my cabinets and drawers are 10" deep and 9 1/2" wide respectively, and I have 12" wide paper. Result: shreds of drawer liner used to line the cabinet under the sink.
10. Monday night: More visiting with my friend. The wake is tonight and the funeral tomorrow morning. I had planned to take off Thursday to go to G.Ad. and Friday to go to CT to help the 'rents move more things. I knew I should have just taken off this whole week. I will only work one full day this week as it is now.

Even with all that's happened, I'm still kind of floating, as I have been for the last month or so, through life.

And still, I know, my friend is having a worse week.

Timely Soundtrack: "Half Light" by Athlete off of Tourist.
Quote Trapped in My Head: " The sun got stuck, as it's making it's way back down, // We find ourselves, in a familiar part of town...So when I see you next, we'll make the most of it // Tell the sun to start moving again".
What I Learned Today: Moving is good and bad for your nourishment.

Wait! What's That on the Horizon?

Apartment ho! We have touchdown. Lease = signed. Keys = mine. Parking spot = assigned. Mine, all mine (for a year at least). I will start moving things in tomorrow, and start looking for a mattress.

What I am most excited about: arranging everything, picking up decorations at Ikea, the kitchen, dancing around my new apartment for the first time.

Timely Soundtrack: "You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "I only cause irreparable damage // because you let it be so // the wall chooses to fall // the back decides to break"
What I Learned Today:

Thigmonasty

The bees are getting wiser
jealous guardians of beauty
cut the tail off a whale
put a harpoon there instead
and you have a bumblebee
does the analogy fit?
whale is to size of ocean as
bee is to flyable air?
You, skulking below, what
can you see from down there?

Snapdragon in a panic
defending your bit of earth
lashing out, biting,
swallowing all the sanity you can
But you have no baleen
you can't sift out the madness
the fool's daydreams
you, Drosera, trap it all
the bees with the flies
the rot with the honey

And everyone says:
you can't live like this
nightmaring your way
from dawn to dawn
a detached hydra
mouth free to scream
as you drift in the current
So you get Hard and Strong
swagger back to them to
demand their approval

Now there is that of the
Stalking-Cat in you
and the Bird of Prey
efficient to an E
cold when on a hunt
that of the proud Wolf
even shunned as the omega
you would still reach
attack the healthiest specimen
the hardest prey

Bees patrol the andromedas
the purple azaleas, the
demilitarized zone between
safe-houses of flowers
does it hurt, Snapdragon,
to bare your teeth at them
with no bite to your snarl?
Venus, does the harpoon
prick and sting
as you swallow them down?

But now they say:
you can't live like this
monstering your way
from dusk to dusk
but Hard, Strong you
cannot hear, your stems stretch
too high from the ground,
the walls of your petals
have grown too thick.

~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~