At night I dream
of being the virgin queen
the rigid rod that fell
beneath the weight of air
I feel my ministers
rob my body seconds
after I close my watery eyes
Stealing England from my hand
Pulling fingers that danced
as pale, supple spiders
weaving the threads of
traitors and gentlemen
And I can only muse
with my dull, flat tongue
that had I known love, I would have
stabbed it in its heart
The final thrust I'd strike
with a dismissal so cold
gazing at the dazed dawn
from soundproof chambers
where the only cannon shot
to breach my inner sanctum
would be the one to fell England
and with it, me.
~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~
Masculine rhymes are from accents, Feminine rhymes are from disyllabia. <-- Poems ad infinitum
Friday, 24 February 2006
Thursday, 23 February 2006
Wow, I Guess I AM That Mean
| Your Love Life Secrets Are |
 Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go. |
Predictable, Yes.
| Who Should Paint You: Salvador Dali |
 You're a complex, intense creature who displays many layers. There's no way a traditional portrait could ever capture you! |
Friday, 17 February 2006
Thursday, 16 February 2006
Avoiding the Gaze of the Boy Across the Aisle
The angry lights in the back of the commuter buses
tumble in succession; they
slide behind tree branches
They flicker in circles
like a New Jersey Carnival-
self-effacing and knowing
they are just a cheap flame.
At the end of the tunnel
instead of heaven there are cars
huddling tighter and tighter
milky white headlights
shuddering together
So the whole curve becomes
pearls on a loose string
the things we notice, while hiding a blush...
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
I'll thank you, sir, to stop casting elisions on my character... <--More Poetry
tumble in succession; they
slide behind tree branches
They flicker in circles
like a New Jersey Carnival-
self-effacing and knowing
they are just a cheap flame.
At the end of the tunnel
instead of heaven there are cars
huddling tighter and tighter
milky white headlights
shuddering together
So the whole curve becomes
pearls on a loose string
the things we notice, while hiding a blush...
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
I'll thank you, sir, to stop casting elisions on my character... <--More Poetry
Tuesday, 14 February 2006
Off-Again
Call me up at midnight
quick-jump-shake me out
of a dream I hate
You can get off on my voice
I don't mind
The clink of a
slipped leash
turns me on
You can think of
whomever you like - I don't care
It would be nice
not to be your fantasy again
You know how I do love
such gorgeous lies
to you from me to the world
We can play this off
tomorrow
no trouble at all
When you get it bad
even more lonely than the usual
your pitiful seductions
make me twitch
and your rapid-fire talk, your
diseased thoughts
make my bones itch
But you know, you can always
Call me up at three a.m.
slip-scream-scare
my favorite nightmare away
You can get turned on
I don't mind...
I'm not mine
~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go on, light some incense and sip espresso. <-- More Verses for the Desperate
quick-jump-shake me out
of a dream I hate
You can get off on my voice
I don't mind
The clink of a
slipped leash
turns me on
You can think of
whomever you like - I don't care
It would be nice
not to be your fantasy again
You know how I do love
such gorgeous lies
to you from me to the world
We can play this off
tomorrow
no trouble at all
When you get it bad
even more lonely than the usual
your pitiful seductions
make me twitch
and your rapid-fire talk, your
diseased thoughts
make my bones itch
But you know, you can always
Call me up at three a.m.
slip-scream-scare
my favorite nightmare away
You can get turned on
I don't mind...
I'm not mine
~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go on, light some incense and sip espresso. <-- More Verses for the Desperate
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
Inside the Mandrake's Studio
You know how James Lipton asks his guest of the week a series of questions on Inside the Actors Studio? I decided to answer them. Because, really, why not?
1. What is your favorite word? Every.
2. What is your least favorite word? Pulchritude.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Water.
4. What turns you off? Food.
5. What is your favorite curse word? Wicked.
6. What sound or noise do you love? The wind.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Splat.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Professional Assassin or Circus Performer.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Dentistry.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "I loved everything you've ever created. Draw me a picture."
Momentary Soundtrack: "Nothing to Me" by Laura Dawn, off of Believer. "I've left a trail of blood and spit...like the morning after some glorious fit..."
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace." Psalms Ch.37 v.37.
What I Learned Today: Clay may hold some of the secrets to evolution.
1. What is your favorite word? Every.
2. What is your least favorite word? Pulchritude.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Water.
4. What turns you off? Food.
5. What is your favorite curse word? Wicked.
6. What sound or noise do you love? The wind.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Splat.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Professional Assassin or Circus Performer.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Dentistry.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "I loved everything you've ever created. Draw me a picture."
Tuesday, 31 January 2006
Of Course...Sigh.
So this is a bit late, but since my reindeer self has a little down time...
| You Are Vixen |
 Sexy and sultry, you're the one all the other reindeer dream about. Why You're Naughty: That fur pulling spat you got into with Dancer over Santa. Why You're Nice: Because even when you're nice, you're still delightfully naughty! |
New Year's Procrastinations
So, I'm going for a Chinese New Year's list of Procrastinations (not resolutions, those would be silly, why would anything in my life ever get resolved? *snort*). Ta. Freakin'. Da.
1. Get rid of the clutter that's blocking the creative me.
2. Not play the Sims 2 Nightlife every chance I get.
3. Play the Sims 2 Nightlife every chance I get. What can I say?
4. Learn to NOT type 3 twice in a list. Sheesh.
5. Fill out my quotes page, back up my hard drive, and get my 1500 + mp3s OFF of my iMac in a format READABLE BY ITUNES, which is, apparently impossible, so complicated that only a delicately-trained iTunes surgeon can perform. Or, mayhaps, 5,000,000 monkeys.
6. Finish my painting and start a new one, of people this time. Gasp. And finish chapters I and II of Animated.
7. Make my 3-D animation so unbelievably awesome it knocks the maldito socks off of anyone who sees it.
8. Make a decision. And stick with it.
9. Hang out with Dan el Baile. And Raj.
10. Visit LizAd in NO.
11. Dance at least twice a week.
12. Get into a formal dance class, since I won't do #11 without...my security blanket, S.T.R.U.C.T.U.R.E. *sigh*
13. Figure out what the HEY I did to my rib so I can do crunches and BEND again. Five months later.
14. Fix the poems that are so incredibly, amazingly pathetic that I can't even read them without injuring my neck from all the cringing.
15. Get my medicine info straightened out...and remember to take it. Oh, drat.
16. Redo my room so it's less hectic and more pleasant to be in.
17. Get. Another. Game. To. Play.
18. Learn Flash! come hey or high water.
19. Get the world to stop moving just long enough for me to kick myself out of this shell.
20. Break a few hearts along the way.
Current Soundtrack: "Sinnerman (Felix Da Housecat's Remix)" by Nina Simone, this version off of >Verve 2 Remixed.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "We're all back again!" Kid in my animation class...for joy.
What I Learned Today: How to bevel polygons. Again. AND people NEED to turn off their cell phones in the library or NOT be loud on them.
1. Get rid of the clutter that's blocking the creative me.
2. Not play the Sims 2 Nightlife every chance I get.
3. Play the Sims 2 Nightlife every chance I get. What can I say?
4. Learn to NOT type 3 twice in a list. Sheesh.
5. Fill out my quotes page, back up my hard drive, and get my 1500 + mp3s OFF of my iMac in a format READABLE BY ITUNES, which is, apparently impossible, so complicated that only a delicately-trained iTunes surgeon can perform. Or, mayhaps, 5,000,000 monkeys.
6. Finish my painting and start a new one, of people this time. Gasp. And finish chapters I and II of Animated.
7. Make my 3-D animation so unbelievably awesome it knocks the maldito socks off of anyone who sees it.
8. Make a decision. And stick with it.
9. Hang out with Dan el Baile. And Raj.
10. Visit LizAd in NO.
11. Dance at least twice a week.
12. Get into a formal dance class, since I won't do #11 without...my security blanket, S.T.R.U.C.T.U.R.E. *sigh*
13. Figure out what the HEY I did to my rib so I can do crunches and BEND again. Five months later.
14. Fix the poems that are so incredibly, amazingly pathetic that I can't even read them without injuring my neck from all the cringing.
15. Get my medicine info straightened out...and remember to take it. Oh, drat.
16. Redo my room so it's less hectic and more pleasant to be in.
17. Get. Another. Game. To. Play.
18. Learn Flash! come hey or high water.
19. Get the world to stop moving just long enough for me to kick myself out of this shell.
20. Break a few hearts along the way.
Thursday, 12 January 2006
Amniocentesis
My mother's hands are so warm. And holding her hand this far out to the side, with my wrist on her lap, hurts my shoulder blade where I slept wrong last night. Our eyes bore into the man in front of us, devouring his every word. We hang on every sigh and slight glance. His hands are aged and shaky, stiff so that they can hardly grasp a pen and I think "maybe that's why doctors have such terrible handwriting." The nurse brings in a chair for my father, his stretched out sweater a mass of pine green in the beige office. The doctor punctuates his words with his scribbling, and three pairs of eyes anxiously check every motion of his pen, as if he might be saying one thing but writing another.
"The prognosis is good" but my only thoughts are that there should be no prognosis, that nothing should be wrong with my mother again. My hands itch they are so warm, and I know making my legs jump is just a defense mechanism but I really need something to pick me up right now. We speculate on how the doctor who ran the biopsy got it wrong, how he could mutter delightedly that it was benign only to have this other man call day and night. And of course we told everyone with hugs and raised glasses that it was all ok.
I could kill for something cold to put on my hands, for something to drink, for a way out of the next few minutes. But the doctor stretches his letters across the page, and they fall slowly with his shaky fingers drawing out the ink.
Everything takes forever here, especially the next word to form on paper or in the doctor's mouth. We three are moving fast, jittery, jumping. But he is languid, moving slowly like this cancer that they've found and codified in my mother's chest.
~AEW~
"The prognosis is good" but my only thoughts are that there should be no prognosis, that nothing should be wrong with my mother again. My hands itch they are so warm, and I know making my legs jump is just a defense mechanism but I really need something to pick me up right now. We speculate on how the doctor who ran the biopsy got it wrong, how he could mutter delightedly that it was benign only to have this other man call day and night. And of course we told everyone with hugs and raised glasses that it was all ok.
I could kill for something cold to put on my hands, for something to drink, for a way out of the next few minutes. But the doctor stretches his letters across the page, and they fall slowly with his shaky fingers drawing out the ink.
Everything takes forever here, especially the next word to form on paper or in the doctor's mouth. We three are moving fast, jittery, jumping. But he is languid, moving slowly like this cancer that they've found and codified in my mother's chest.
~AEW~
Wednesday, 11 January 2006
SWIPED!
Mwahahahahahhahaaaa!
I've kissed...
[X] on the lips.
[X] on my hands or fingers.
[X] in my room.
[X] in their room.
[X] of the opposite sex.
[X] of the same sex
[X] a little younger than me.
[X] a little older than me.
[X] with black hair.
[X] with curly hair.
[X] blonde hair and blue eyes.
[ ] with red hair (Oddly enough, no. I wouldn't mind trying, though ;-))
[X] with straight hair.
[X] shorter than me.
[ ] with a lip ring.
[X] who was drunk.
[ ] who was high.
[X] in the morning.
[X] right after waking up
[X] just before bed.
[X] late at night.
[X] who I had just met.
[X] who I really didn't want to kiss.
[X] while I was going out with someone else.
[X] on a bed.
[ ] in a graveyard.
[X] at school.
[X] against a wall.
[X] at a show
[X] at the beach.
[X] in a pool.
[X] who was/is a good friend.
[X] in the rain.
[?!] with an std.
[X] in the shower
[X] in a car/taxi/bus.
[X] on a plane.
[X] in a bathroom.
[X] in the dark.
[X] on a roof top. (I feel like this is a yes. Mountaintop, too.)
[X] under water.
[X] more than one person at once
[X] and cried.
[X] goodbye forever.
[X] when I was drunk.
[X] who didn't speak english (obviously).
[X] with an accent (oh, god, ick).
Insta-Soundtrack: "Leiley" by Dania off of Arabic Groove.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "I wear the same shoes as anyone, I get the same blues as everyone, So try and call me, I’m immobile man, yes I am."
What I Learned Today: Santino es el diablo. Uh-huh, for sure.
I've kissed...
[X] on the lips.
[X] on my hands or fingers.
[X] in my room.
[X] in their room.
[X] of the opposite sex.
[X] of the same sex
[X] a little younger than me.
[X] a little older than me.
[X] with black hair.
[X] with curly hair.
[X] blonde hair and blue eyes.
[ ] with red hair (Oddly enough, no. I wouldn't mind trying, though ;-))
[X] with straight hair.
[X] shorter than me.
[ ] with a lip ring.
[X] who was drunk.
[ ] who was high.
[X] in the morning.
[X] right after waking up
[X] just before bed.
[X] late at night.
[X] who I had just met.
[X] who I really didn't want to kiss.
[X] while I was going out with someone else.
[X] on a bed.
[ ] in a graveyard.
[X] at school.
[X] against a wall.
[X] at a show
[X] at the beach.
[X] in a pool.
[X] who was/is a good friend.
[X] in the rain.
[?!] with an std.
[X] in the shower
[X] in a car/taxi/bus.
[X] on a plane.
[X] in a bathroom.
[X] in the dark.
[X] on a roof top. (I feel like this is a yes. Mountaintop, too.)
[X] under water.
[X] more than one person at once
[X] and cried.
[X] goodbye forever.
[X] when I was drunk.
[X] who didn't speak english (obviously).
[X] with an accent (oh, god, ick).
Der Schnupfen
So, you want to know what I've been up to? Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.
Spent my birthday shopping, eating with family, and finally dancing in Nyack. Ended the Old Year with dinner at a Thai place and partying in a bar in Nyack with Salvo and Emblem.
Went to visit my favorite college roommate, R., at her brother's apartment in CT for a brief three-hour period before she took off for her five-year stint at CMU in Pittsburgh. Saw Khoka the dog in all his glory and received a beautiful scarf that everyone covets the instant s/he sees it. And a lovely purple necklace and matching earrings! I drove my mum and I up, and on the way we realized this was our first real road trip together. True, it only took an hour's drive, but it was something!
Had family game night with LizAd's family & the Fire Dog. Hilarity ensued. Cranium is the best game ever.
Contracted a case of the sniffles. Hence the post title. I hate Hate HATE getting a cold, because I despise blowing my nose. It disgusts me and makes me feel queasy. Plus I managed to run a fever, which is difficult for me to do with my normally low body temperature.
Hung out with Christine and Marci in honor of my birthday. They gave me unexpected gifts, including a puzzle book with extremely tough puzzles and magnetic pieces, and a Vera Bradley wristlet in the coolest pattern. Eat your heart out!
MWAH!
*Sniffle*
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Instant Soundtrack: "Get Myself Arrested" from Gomez's Bring It On.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Woke up it was a Chelsea morning...Oh, won’t you stay, We’ll put on the day, And we’ll talk in present tenses..." - Joni Mitchell, "Chelsea Morning."
What I Learned Today: My alarm clock STILL hates me.
Spent my birthday shopping, eating with family, and finally dancing in Nyack. Ended the Old Year with dinner at a Thai place and partying in a bar in Nyack with Salvo and Emblem.
Went to visit my favorite college roommate, R., at her brother's apartment in CT for a brief three-hour period before she took off for her five-year stint at CMU in Pittsburgh. Saw Khoka the dog in all his glory and received a beautiful scarf that everyone covets the instant s/he sees it. And a lovely purple necklace and matching earrings! I drove my mum and I up, and on the way we realized this was our first real road trip together. True, it only took an hour's drive, but it was something!
Had family game night with LizAd's family & the Fire Dog. Hilarity ensued. Cranium is the best game ever.
Contracted a case of the sniffles. Hence the post title. I hate Hate HATE getting a cold, because I despise blowing my nose. It disgusts me and makes me feel queasy. Plus I managed to run a fever, which is difficult for me to do with my normally low body temperature.
Hung out with Christine and Marci in honor of my birthday. They gave me unexpected gifts, including a puzzle book with extremely tough puzzles and magnetic pieces, and a Vera Bradley wristlet in the coolest pattern. Eat your heart out!
MWAH!
*Sniffle*
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Tuesday, 3 January 2006
Yppah Yppah!
Happy New Year!
Happy Belated Birthday to me!
Annual list of Birthmas (combined birthday and Christmas) spoils:
Lots of gift cards - I can get an ipod, books, clothes, sheets, a build-a-bear, and more!
Earrings and a cameo necklace.
The coolest bag EVER from L.B.
Lotions and perfume.
Nifty CSI puzzle with special flashlight so I can solve the murder mystery.
A billfold wallet.
A fancy solid "a" keychain.
Q red watch. A duplicate of my favourite watch, as requested.
Oh-so-fantastic Pier 1 tealight star lamps!
Legos to be shared with Emblem.
Photo albums.
A Ferrero Rochet pyramid - oh, rapture!
And much, much more from my beloved family and friends.
Momentary Soundtrack: "A Stor Mo Chrol" from Katie McMahon's After the Morning album.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "And they look at you like they don’t speak your language // And you’re living at the bottom of a well // And you’ve swallowed all the awful bloody secrets // But you can’t tell...." Joan Osborne, "Crazy Baby" off of Relish.
What I Learned Today: What brumal means.
Happy Belated Birthday to me!
Annual list of Birthmas (combined birthday and Christmas) spoils:
Lots of gift cards - I can get an ipod, books, clothes, sheets, a build-a-bear, and more!
Earrings and a cameo necklace.
The coolest bag EVER from L.B.
Lotions and perfume.
Nifty CSI puzzle with special flashlight so I can solve the murder mystery.
A billfold wallet.
A fancy solid "a" keychain.
Q red watch. A duplicate of my favourite watch, as requested.
Oh-so-fantastic Pier 1 tealight star lamps!
Legos to be shared with Emblem.
Photo albums.
A Ferrero Rochet pyramid - oh, rapture!
And much, much more from my beloved family and friends.
Wednesday, 21 December 2005
Neatly, like Modern Art
I wanted to be gone
when you came back
wanted to be unavailable
when you called
wanted one thousand ways
to burn you
To pierce you to the quick
until you withered away
I wanted my actions
to spell out revenge
neatly, like modern art
yellow letters on blue sky
to have kissed ten men
or even one or two
to have hate-laughed my way
out of loving you
I wanted to destroy
to feel restless again
slinking and taut
in my own skin
to ease the mask of apathy
let the darkness out
I wanted to whisper
sordid details in your ear
I wanted to be
so many things
heartless, merciless
in the arms of another
when you came back
I would have iron walls
with no gates
would trick you then flick you
out of an embrace
But I forgot love
love is careless and unashamed
frivolous and stubborn
it will not die in winter
it urges me to
set myself aflame
to keep you warm
to stay and not stray
So it's a heaven-sent blessing
that I am deaf and blind
my tongue is leaden
my breath cold and weak
when you come to me
flippant or repentant
bleeding or proud
it will not be long
it will not be long
until you bow your head
before you kneel
crumbling like a weary statue
with snow warping your hands
as you watch me
walk away
swift with the current.
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
when you came back
wanted to be unavailable
when you called
wanted one thousand ways
to burn you
To pierce you to the quick
until you withered away
I wanted my actions
to spell out revenge
neatly, like modern art
yellow letters on blue sky
to have kissed ten men
or even one or two
to have hate-laughed my way
out of loving you
I wanted to destroy
to feel restless again
slinking and taut
in my own skin
to ease the mask of apathy
let the darkness out
I wanted to whisper
sordid details in your ear
I wanted to be
so many things
heartless, merciless
in the arms of another
when you came back
I would have iron walls
with no gates
would trick you then flick you
out of an embrace
But I forgot love
love is careless and unashamed
frivolous and stubborn
it will not die in winter
it urges me to
set myself aflame
to keep you warm
to stay and not stray
So it's a heaven-sent blessing
that I am deaf and blind
my tongue is leaden
my breath cold and weak
when you come to me
flippant or repentant
bleeding or proud
it will not be long
it will not be long
until you bow your head
before you kneel
crumbling like a weary statue
with snow warping your hands
as you watch me
walk away
swift with the current.
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, 19 December 2005
Acquaintances and Paramours
Some people have all the luck. And all the love.
The Anonymous Lovelorn Gift-Giver...
And now, a letter.
Dear Anonymous Lovelorn Gift-Giver,
Why did you not sell your ring? Why did you not give it to me, or, if you are a financially stable man, come find me and date me and buy me lots of pretty things or maybe just pay for me to get an apartment and my maybe future tuiton? *Ahem* I mean, do not fear! Someone will love you! *Call me*
LOVE,
Paramour Mandala
Temporary Soundtrack: Patapan, a traditional French carol.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "Forty drunken Santas rampaged through central Auckland..." More Here...
What I Learned Today: "Emily, a one-year-old tabby cat from the US state of Wisconsin, strayed into an air cargo container and before she knew it she was being unloaded in the eastern French city of Nancy. Unharmed, she was flown back in style." - From Yahoo's Odd News of 2005.
The Anonymous Lovelorn Gift-Giver...
And now, a letter.
Dear Anonymous Lovelorn Gift-Giver,
Why did you not sell your ring? Why did you not give it to me, or, if you are a financially stable man, come find me and date me and buy me lots of pretty things or maybe just pay for me to get an apartment and my maybe future tuiton? *Ahem* I mean, do not fear! Someone will love you! *Call me*
LOVE,
Paramour Mandala
Thursday, 15 December 2005
Dark-king, Light-king, Queens All
Back when two pawns
barely fit in my palm
I believed patterns
ruled the chess board
that the goal was to
mix black and white
find a home for gray
Until my men lived
in your land and yours
put down roots in mine.
Leave the royal scepters and
poison decanters behind!
The rooks will form bridges
stolid and un-burnable
interlace their bricks and
form open-faced windows
Knights will practice with
jousts of wooden swords
clasping arms in friendly combat
twirling pennants of dark and light
Bishops will gossip -
as old men pretend not to do -
whispering their robes and
flashing gold-strewn hands
Queens will share a giggle
trade recipes and ermine cloaks
weave stories and hair into plaits
let their pawns play together
And the kings, O the kings!
They will sprawl unceremoniously
in front of their thrones
Discuss geography, banquets,
jesters and favorite dogs
Lift the heavy crowns
off their bowed heads
and be men for the while
Colors will be strewn about
the patchwork earth will move
all the world that they know
will breathe a sigh and say
'Assassination
of the emperors be damned.
This is truly
the game of kings.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
¡Y mucho más! <-- Even More Poems
barely fit in my palm
I believed patterns
ruled the chess board
that the goal was to
mix black and white
find a home for gray
Until my men lived
in your land and yours
put down roots in mine.
Leave the royal scepters and
poison decanters behind!
The rooks will form bridges
stolid and un-burnable
interlace their bricks and
form open-faced windows
Knights will practice with
jousts of wooden swords
clasping arms in friendly combat
twirling pennants of dark and light
Bishops will gossip -
as old men pretend not to do -
whispering their robes and
flashing gold-strewn hands
Queens will share a giggle
trade recipes and ermine cloaks
weave stories and hair into plaits
let their pawns play together
And the kings, O the kings!
They will sprawl unceremoniously
in front of their thrones
Discuss geography, banquets,
jesters and favorite dogs
Lift the heavy crowns
off their bowed heads
and be men for the while
Colors will be strewn about
the patchwork earth will move
all the world that they know
will breathe a sigh and say
'Assassination
of the emperors be damned.
This is truly
the game of kings.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
¡Y mucho más! <-- Even More Poems
Monday, 12 December 2005
Letting Go of the Line
Western culture believes life is to be lived forward, with one hand kept to the straight line of time. Every second in time is created at the precise moment it occurs. There is no such thing as a future that exists ahead of the present. There is also no way to retrace your steps into the past. A glass wall that presses at your back lets memories be displayed without letting travellers mar the annals of history.
On Saturday afternoon, H. called. His period of sorting things out and getting his life back on track is over. He, obviously, wants us to get back together...realized during our time apart that he loves me more than ever, etc. I bluntly told him that I want to pursue my dreams, to become a game designer or possibly animator, and that the former was only possible in the U.S. (or, possibly, Canada or the U.K.). Certainly, game design programs of study are only available in select cities in the U.S. I told him he would have to leave his country, come here, and work or study here. That is the only way I would even consider getting back together with him - on my terms.
I called him back on Sunday (during the hour-and-a-half free time I had, though it only took twenty minutes) and read his e-mail at his request. In such, he unexpectedly promised to leave it all behind (once done with his studies at the Institute, which would be after another semester) and come to the U.S. to be with me. Ends of the earth, blah blah blah. I did not accept that, and told him I would only consider it if X, not Y, for his good as well as mine (I do not want to get into it all on this blog). Agreed to see him online on Thursday.
Now the fate would seem to rest in my hands. Do I move forward, eyes stoically trained on the blank desert before me? Feeling my way as the rope forms beneath my hands? Or do I let go of the line?
Dan and I had a wonderful time at Revels yesterday - more on that later.
Temporary Soundtrack: "Blue Sky Blue" <-- searching for the artist. Heard on WFDU on Saturday afternoon, 10th Dec. 2005, on I believe a program called "Carnival of Song."
Quote Trapped in My Head: Mixed up quotes from TDIR series, "Come live with me and be my love", and a few Revels songs.
What I Learned Today: Well, yesterday, actually. What Christmas Revels really entail. Mummers' plays, music, dance, and stories, and lots of fun! Thanks, Dan!
On Saturday afternoon, H. called. His period of sorting things out and getting his life back on track is over. He, obviously, wants us to get back together...realized during our time apart that he loves me more than ever, etc. I bluntly told him that I want to pursue my dreams, to become a game designer or possibly animator, and that the former was only possible in the U.S. (or, possibly, Canada or the U.K.). Certainly, game design programs of study are only available in select cities in the U.S. I told him he would have to leave his country, come here, and work or study here. That is the only way I would even consider getting back together with him - on my terms.
I called him back on Sunday (during the hour-and-a-half free time I had, though it only took twenty minutes) and read his e-mail at his request. In such, he unexpectedly promised to leave it all behind (once done with his studies at the Institute, which would be after another semester) and come to the U.S. to be with me. Ends of the earth, blah blah blah. I did not accept that, and told him I would only consider it if X, not Y, for his good as well as mine (I do not want to get into it all on this blog). Agreed to see him online on Thursday.
Now the fate would seem to rest in my hands. Do I move forward, eyes stoically trained on the blank desert before me? Feeling my way as the rope forms beneath my hands? Or do I let go of the line?
Dan and I had a wonderful time at Revels yesterday - more on that later.
Tuesday, 6 December 2005
Now it is, then.
I think this might be the time
when I gently let my hand fall
from your strong, warm grip
and walk smoothly on ahead
I think this might be the place
along this winding, uphill path
where I pull my waist away
run laughing into the woods
and don't glance back
I think this might be the way
my journey with you needs to end
I drift away on swift currents
play mistress to the caprice
of eddies and ripples that shy
away from you
Now the hero must tell his beloved
"this fight is mine to win,
this task mine to finish."
Now the wilds beckon
the forest calls
the water sings
the heavens reach down
embrace me and carry me
away from you
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
Shh...a rare Antibacchus anadiplosis, hardly ever seen in the wild. <-- More Poetry
when I gently let my hand fall
from your strong, warm grip
and walk smoothly on ahead
I think this might be the place
along this winding, uphill path
where I pull my waist away
run laughing into the woods
and don't glance back
I think this might be the way
my journey with you needs to end
I drift away on swift currents
play mistress to the caprice
of eddies and ripples that shy
away from you
Now the hero must tell his beloved
"this fight is mine to win,
this task mine to finish."
Now the wilds beckon
the forest calls
the water sings
the heavens reach down
embrace me and carry me
away from you
~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~
Shh...a rare Antibacchus anadiplosis, hardly ever seen in the wild. <-- More Poetry
Alpha Zeta
A - Did Perseus rescue Andromeda, just to
spread her legs across the heavens,
sweat glistening as pinprick-lights on her thighs?
B - The original breast for a lullaby,
the smooth curves that come
with the onslaught of pregnancy.
C - So eager to please, if you please it,
yet giving while it takes, teasing caresses and
coaxing blushes from its prey.
D - An aging bachelor, just fed,
too sexless or proud
to hold his bulging stomach in.
E - My darling, amputated octopus,
a kiss waiting on each desperate arm.
Love will never touch its beak-flanked lips.
F - A falcon's frail-seeming claw
strikes both clouds and flesh
with the sharpest of blades.
G - The unforgiving hook dangling
from an angler-fish's forehead:
its camouflaged gullet swallows me hole.
H - Spider monkey skitters up
ready to set fire
burning his last bridge.
I - All sharp edges, this letter
will slice me, leaving me bereft,
my only friend a dull-blade infection.
J - Dragonfly in heat, fighting for purchase
on the slippery walls of this rocking canoe,
dipping its toes in the ripples.
K - Little girl lost drops her hairbow
left in the gutter because
it doesn't go with eyeshadow.
L - Rain over the waterfall
reborn in white foam, to the surface:
a daily death can't drown you.
M - Two children clasp hands, unwavering
even at first light, pillars stand
before the gate to the big, bad world.
N - There is a tunnel between you and God;
only if you kiss his feet
will it take you to him.
O - The moon when it inhales
breaks the perfection
of one immutable radius.
P - The veteran leans on his cane;
he still leaves a place
for his phantom leg to stand.
Q - Grandfather time has lost
his sharp hands to sleep
they prod his weary feet.
R - A pair of lovers dance the tango,
one stiletto-clad foot
drawing scars on the hardwood floor.
S - Come and go, hither and yon,
forge ahead and recoil sharp
dithering like a sidewinder's path.
T - Nature's most rigid tree,
manufactured by architects, eschewing circles
and roses for the comfort of spines.
U - Rib shapes flesh
skin caresses bone
the skeleton jitters home.
V - Aries lowered his horns only after
both sides of this bloody war
had died for such a peace.
W - Venomous, two-headed snake,
starving yourself for your pride,
both mouths refusing to become a tail.
X - The valley admires its reflection
just like an overconfident man
it sees itself as a mountain.
Y - The evenly split chambers
of a frog's tepid heart, fresh from
pond-splashing and courting the night.
Z - Here is the body bent in death
blank eyes staring at the angle of hell
meeting with that of heaven.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll take a large pastiche to go, please? <-- More Fun with Rhymes
spread her legs across the heavens,
sweat glistening as pinprick-lights on her thighs?
B - The original breast for a lullaby,
the smooth curves that come
with the onslaught of pregnancy.
C - So eager to please, if you please it,
yet giving while it takes, teasing caresses and
coaxing blushes from its prey.
D - An aging bachelor, just fed,
too sexless or proud
to hold his bulging stomach in.
E - My darling, amputated octopus,
a kiss waiting on each desperate arm.
Love will never touch its beak-flanked lips.
F - A falcon's frail-seeming claw
strikes both clouds and flesh
with the sharpest of blades.
G - The unforgiving hook dangling
from an angler-fish's forehead:
its camouflaged gullet swallows me hole.
H - Spider monkey skitters up
ready to set fire
burning his last bridge.
I - All sharp edges, this letter
will slice me, leaving me bereft,
my only friend a dull-blade infection.
J - Dragonfly in heat, fighting for purchase
on the slippery walls of this rocking canoe,
dipping its toes in the ripples.
K - Little girl lost drops her hairbow
left in the gutter because
it doesn't go with eyeshadow.
L - Rain over the waterfall
reborn in white foam, to the surface:
a daily death can't drown you.
M - Two children clasp hands, unwavering
even at first light, pillars stand
before the gate to the big, bad world.
N - There is a tunnel between you and God;
only if you kiss his feet
will it take you to him.
O - The moon when it inhales
breaks the perfection
of one immutable radius.
P - The veteran leans on his cane;
he still leaves a place
for his phantom leg to stand.
Q - Grandfather time has lost
his sharp hands to sleep
they prod his weary feet.
R - A pair of lovers dance the tango,
one stiletto-clad foot
drawing scars on the hardwood floor.
S - Come and go, hither and yon,
forge ahead and recoil sharp
dithering like a sidewinder's path.
T - Nature's most rigid tree,
manufactured by architects, eschewing circles
and roses for the comfort of spines.
U - Rib shapes flesh
skin caresses bone
the skeleton jitters home.
V - Aries lowered his horns only after
both sides of this bloody war
had died for such a peace.
W - Venomous, two-headed snake,
starving yourself for your pride,
both mouths refusing to become a tail.
X - The valley admires its reflection
just like an overconfident man
it sees itself as a mountain.
Y - The evenly split chambers
of a frog's tepid heart, fresh from
pond-splashing and courting the night.
Z - Here is the body bent in death
blank eyes staring at the angle of hell
meeting with that of heaven.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll take a large pastiche to go, please? <-- More Fun with Rhymes
Thursday, 1 December 2005
I had a dream last night...and it fit me like a glove...
For the past two nights, I've had disturbing dreams, mostly for the reason that I am so accepting of my fate in these dreams. Kind of horror movie-esque, really, mixed with ghost stories. So, I don't remember what Tuesday night's frightfest entailed, but last night, I was on a trip. I was with three blonde girls, who packed their things. We went away somewhere, maybe somewhere warm, and minor drama ensued. I remember watching us from above, staring at the half-circle of the four of us standing around our bags, heads bowed. The girls were each different, and I knew one of them well, but I can't recall names, and they are certainly not real people I know. We went to a sort of between-flight place on our way elsewhere, which morphed into my back porch. The first 'night' we stayed there, the girls and I were outside when creepy, pale zombie-ghosts came up to us and tried to touch us to do who knows what. We bolted back inside and the things were gone. Then it was the next 'night' and our bags were left outside. How did I know it was a different night? It's a dream. I wanted to get our things, because there was a man that came leaping acrobatically from one end of the porch to the other. I had something dental hygiene related in my mouth that prevented me from speaking or making much noise; it had been there for a while. I waited until he was gone, then opened the heavy glass door, went to get the things, until I saw him, in his red-and-black clothes, come running at me from the woods. I ran for the door, couldn't get it open, tried to yell, but I couldn't get breath or sound to come out. He grabbed me,then was startled by some loud noise off screen. I was able to open the door and draw it closed while he was distracted, but he pounded on it once he saw it was shut. The other girls were either asleep or uncaring. And our stuff stayed outside.
Then it was magically midday, the way only dreams and edited film can be. There was some enormous sort of celebration at a field to the upper left of our porch. Fire-eaters, teams playing games, my dad suddenly there watching it all. Our cooler to take on our trip was out there, and people were taking from it, that much I remember. I was upset, but Dad said we could always restock. It was the idea of thievery that bothered me more than anything, I'm sure. Anyway, night fell, and I was outside getting something, when one more zombie-ghost came up. It was Jodie Foster.
Yes, Jodie Foster. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale, her hair medium-brown and tied half-up half-down. HEr face was either decaying or scarred near her hairline and on her cheek. She wore a dark robe or dress. She gripped my arm, fighting back vomit or possibly trying to catch enough afterlife-breath to speak. Then I realized two things:
1. They were trying to communicate with us, tell us something essential.
2. Her hand was warm on my arm.
She finally got her mouth open, started to speak-
-There was a loud buzz. My phone getting a text message. I woke up, realized it was 8:58 and my CD alarm clock despises me, and proceeded to rush around to get to work.
Lovely, yes-no?
Temporary Soundtrack: Well, obviously, I Had a Dream from TBS.
Quote Trapped in My Head: Chomh sean leis an cheo agus níos sine faoi dhó.
What I Learned Today: Nollaig means 'December' (or 'Christmas') in Irish Gaelic.
Then it was magically midday, the way only dreams and edited film can be. There was some enormous sort of celebration at a field to the upper left of our porch. Fire-eaters, teams playing games, my dad suddenly there watching it all. Our cooler to take on our trip was out there, and people were taking from it, that much I remember. I was upset, but Dad said we could always restock. It was the idea of thievery that bothered me more than anything, I'm sure. Anyway, night fell, and I was outside getting something, when one more zombie-ghost came up. It was Jodie Foster.
Yes, Jodie Foster. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale, her hair medium-brown and tied half-up half-down. HEr face was either decaying or scarred near her hairline and on her cheek. She wore a dark robe or dress. She gripped my arm, fighting back vomit or possibly trying to catch enough afterlife-breath to speak. Then I realized two things:
1. They were trying to communicate with us, tell us something essential.
2. Her hand was warm on my arm.
She finally got her mouth open, started to speak-
-There was a loud buzz. My phone getting a text message. I woke up, realized it was 8:58 and my CD alarm clock despises me, and proceeded to rush around to get to work.
Lovely, yes-no?
Monday, 28 November 2005
Knowing
It would, of course, happen at night. Pandora and Hera could be found, as always, relaxing by the sacred pool located in the center of the temple; its scalding, rippling waters churning like the pulsating heart of their city.
"O gods." Hera stared at the other woman, the cold pit in her stomach swelling even as rage churned under her skin until she thought her fingers would tear right through the satin robe she was gripping. "I should have known."
Hera sat up from her perch on the couch, her gaze hard and direct. Her words bit into the ugly truth, dragging it out from under its rock and into the open to squirm like the poisonous, pathetic creature it was.
"You don't love him."
Pandora's distant stare snapped back to Hera's face. "But he loves me. He's in love with me. And if I make him blissfully happy..." she let her casual tone trail off.
"Well." She gave a sardonic grin that, for once, stretched all the way across her face. "Atonement could come in a much more painful form."
Hera's glare tracked her as she slowly placed her things in a worn leather bag. "Atonement?" Her voice was incredulous. "What-you haven't done anything to deserve throwing away a lifetime of happiness. What makes you think your actions have caused any more destruction than any murderer's or terrorist's?"
"You don't know everything about me, Hera. And that's the way it's going to stay."
"You should tell me, then. I need to know. I need to know it all."
"No! Don't you understand? This stops here. You keep pushing and pulling at me. I can't stand it. You already know too much. No way I'm letting you have any more of me than necessary."
She paused, controlling her breath with effort. "What makes you think I'd be happy, anyway?" And here comes the punchline, she mocked herself.
"I don't love. It's not even that I don't know how. I've watched, observed, tried, pushed, screamed myself hoarse by giving my heart directions. I've seen how others love. I can't."
She turned once more to her closest friend, her eyes impossibly luminous and glinting fiercely.
"But I won't let that get in the way of my plans. And he will never know."
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
"O gods." Hera stared at the other woman, the cold pit in her stomach swelling even as rage churned under her skin until she thought her fingers would tear right through the satin robe she was gripping. "I should have known."
Hera sat up from her perch on the couch, her gaze hard and direct. Her words bit into the ugly truth, dragging it out from under its rock and into the open to squirm like the poisonous, pathetic creature it was.
"You don't love him."
Pandora's distant stare snapped back to Hera's face. "But he loves me. He's in love with me. And if I make him blissfully happy..." she let her casual tone trail off.
"Well." She gave a sardonic grin that, for once, stretched all the way across her face. "Atonement could come in a much more painful form."
Hera's glare tracked her as she slowly placed her things in a worn leather bag. "Atonement?" Her voice was incredulous. "What-you haven't done anything to deserve throwing away a lifetime of happiness. What makes you think your actions have caused any more destruction than any murderer's or terrorist's?"
"You don't know everything about me, Hera. And that's the way it's going to stay."
"You should tell me, then. I need to know. I need to know it all."
"No! Don't you understand? This stops here. You keep pushing and pulling at me. I can't stand it. You already know too much. No way I'm letting you have any more of me than necessary."
She paused, controlling her breath with effort. "What makes you think I'd be happy, anyway?" And here comes the punchline, she mocked herself.
"I don't love. It's not even that I don't know how. I've watched, observed, tried, pushed, screamed myself hoarse by giving my heart directions. I've seen how others love. I can't."
She turned once more to her closest friend, her eyes impossibly luminous and glinting fiercely.
"But I won't let that get in the way of my plans. And he will never know."
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
Friday, 18 November 2005
Mind the Wild
Some things are bound
contained
like you and me
Other things are left
loose and
spinning wickedly
All that remains
my
inner circuitry
It will fall, will shatter, will break
if you touch me
But I can't weep, won't feel, won't bleed
if you cut me
Some people are free
rattling
innards and bones
I am shut tight
everything in
its bloody home
Mind the wild hair
tendrils
swinging like machetes
All because
I won't break, won't break, won't...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where have all the zeugma gone? <-- Yet Again, Poetry
contained
like you and me
Other things are left
loose and
spinning wickedly
All that remains
my
inner circuitry
It will fall, will shatter, will break
if you touch me
But I can't weep, won't feel, won't bleed
if you cut me
Some people are free
rattling
innards and bones
I am shut tight
everything in
its bloody home
Mind the wild hair
tendrils
swinging like machetes
All because
I won't break, won't break, won't...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where have all the zeugma gone? <-- Yet Again, Poetry
Thursday, 17 November 2005
What...?
What a wonderful world it would be if all the boys were cast out upon the raging sea. To live many a month, or a year or thirty-three. Drowning in that deep blue sea.
Okay, this is a test of my span-first attribute. Not working right now.
Update: YAY!! It lives!
Temporary Soundtrack: "Bolita Trapo" by Cabas off of Contacto
Quote Trapped in My Head:
"I have ketchup anonymity. *lengthy pause*
Wait... no." - L.B.
What I Learned Today: To "kittle" in Yorkshire dialect means to tickle, from the Old Norse kitla. A lot of Yorkshire words come from Old Norse words.
Okay, this is a test of my span-first attribute. Not working right now.
Update: YAY!! It lives!
"I have ketchup anonymity. *lengthy pause*
Wait... no." - L.B.
Monday, 14 November 2005
Wait
You've lost me
without meaning to.
I've stepped away
leaping stone by stone
across the river's current.
You are frozen
poised to jump yet
too afraid to risk it.
Your dark eyes watch
pleading to my back
Wait. Stay. Mine.
~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~
without meaning to.
I've stepped away
leaping stone by stone
across the river's current.
You are frozen
poised to jump yet
too afraid to risk it.
Your dark eyes watch
pleading to my back
Wait. Stay. Mine.
~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~
10 Things I Want to Do Soon
1. Publish something.
2. Go back to Brazil, with friends.
3. Travel in India.
4. Get over my fear of touching insects.
5. Learn how to fire a pistol.
6. Learn how to throw knives.
7. Create a portfolio.
8. Get over my fear of people.
9. Learn how to sail by myself.
10. Teach myself another language or re-learn French.
Current Soundtrack: "Aaj Mera Jee Kardaa (Today My Heart Desires)" off of the Monsoon Wedding Soundtrack.
Quote Trapped in My Head: "...And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" - W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming.
What I Learned Today: The Inuit myth of Malina, the Sun, and Anningan, the Moon, as well as Sedna, the Sea. Sedna, the planetoid discovered in November of 2003, is named after this mythological Inuit figure.
2. Go back to Brazil, with friends.
3. Travel in India.
4. Get over my fear of touching insects.
5. Learn how to fire a pistol.
6. Learn how to throw knives.
7. Create a portfolio.
8. Get over my fear of people.
9. Learn how to sail by myself.
10. Teach myself another language or re-learn French.
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" - W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming.
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