Little Pink Heart

This patch on my skin
I don't quite know what it means.
I'm the girl who wakes up with scars in odd places
But I affixed this patch to my ribs.
Does it mean I'm sick?
Will it bring illness to me?
Does it mean I fight the unseen,
Or rather the seen-through-society's-filter way I see?

What is it doing to me, that I can't do myself?
I should do this without help.
Is it cheating death? Or is it worth it
To cheat death to win back life?
Who do I hope to win over with this bit of plastic?
Am I a child, presenting the bright pink sticker
To my friend, to the teacher, to show everyone
That I am the place to be, the one to be inside?

No one ever could get inside me
I tried so very hard to push away, to open up
But I run too slow to catch up to
My mind spins and pulls little fractals of emotion
And none of them add up to make sense
On a daily basis. It's too thick, my membrane
I can't even steal through it.
How can you hope to? Do you hope to?

So why this attempt? Will it prove
That I am stronger, better, more alive?
Will it hurt me? Am I afraid I will do more damage
To my should-be-greatful body or to my
Ineffectual, wavering mind? I don't feel it working.
I hate that word, placebo. My mind is too wary to fall
Into traps of the heart. I hate you, mirror heart.
Are you pink, too? Open me up, boys, see my sticker throb.

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Busy-ness

*Cower* *cower* Ok, be fair now, screaming mobs demanding more bloggyness. I've been very busy and still pretty sick. In fact, today I woke up with a sore throat and an earache. At least I'll get some holiday shopping done with my girl, L.B., who absolutely, 100% rocks!

Why have I been so busy? Well, in between visiting clients and working my two jobs, not to mention Thanksgiving in all it glorious, food-induced arguments and haze of pilgrim pie (sooo much better than pumpkin), one of our clients from my first job is sending me, most expenses paid, to London! Yes, London, England, not London Anywhere Else. I leave the 12th and return on the 21st! I am so ecstatic, I can't believe it! I will be working long hours at the office, but I've already got several contacts from various f-o-t-fam to hopefully take care of me. Up for a whirlwind tour, anyone? You'll have to duke it out to fly in my suitcase, but it'll be worth it!

I have also been hanging out with my friends a lot, seeing a ton of movies (on dvds and in the theater), and reading. Yes, me, reading books. I've read some pretty good ones recently, such as: SUMMERLAND, THE DOGS OF BABEL, SHUTTER ISLAND by Dennis Lahaine (that was freaky), and I'm reading one called A DICTIONARY OF MAQIAO (that's the closest I can get to making the right symbol), THE QUICK AND THE DEAD by Joy Williams, and FISH, BLOOD & BONE by Leslie Forbes. What have I seen recently? X-2: X-MEN UNITED, LOVE ACTUALLY, THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS, and PERSONAL VELOCITY (which I loved).
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