Alma Mater

Visited my alma mater this weekend...6 months since I graduated. It feels weird, like I'm beyond it all, but yet I should be living with my old roomie and going to class. A creepy feeling eating in the dining hall and walking the old routes again. It was so nice to have a car and go wherever I wanted, though.

I missed everyone there, but I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people, they just seem to slip in and out of my life, or rather that I slip in and out of other peoples' lives. I must cut down on the slippery stuff I add to my life. That's actually a pretty good metaphor for behavior and relationships...since I say so myself.

I wish I could kick this habit of restlessness. I just have to keep moving, keep discovering. I definitely want to go to India next, then Australia. There are so many places I want to go to, so many things I want to do. I believe that you only grow by living, by meeting new people and having new experiences with your old friends. If you don't try, you just stay the same, locked in a pattern of boredom or apathy.
It's sad to see people this way, shufflefeet, topshelf-eyes, stuck in loops of mud, given up on spinning wheels so sink slowly into deep compliance.

I used to fight, to spin my wheels, to keep struggling, usually against an imagined enemy, or against the wrong thing, but always for the right reasons. But it's so easy to let others fight for you. It's so easy to just want happiness and separate yourself from the world. And I hate seeing myself slip away into obscure happiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All By Myself...

Had an ok week by myself in the house. I wish I had felt better so I could have gone out more. Had a great time with L. and A., except they're dangerous to hang around, because they make me laugh, and then I can't do a little essential thing called BREATHING. Oh well, I must be getting used to it, right? What's three weeks of being sick when compared with a lifetime?

I need OUT of this craziness!!!

You and Yours

You with your shoes of spiderwebs
and your castiron clothes
You get your feet wet but
are so afraid to swim

You choke down pretty wasps
with a smile and swear
The stings make your lips
look not so very thin

You with your woodcut eyes
and your waterlogged ears
You're dying to hear voices but
can't see the radio signal

You save babies every day
with careless brush strokes
You smash your glass heart
and pretend it was unintentional

~~~~~~~~AEW~~~~~~~~

Go big or go poem! <-- More Verses

Two Amusing Articles

These articles are infinitely amusing:
Amorous Ram Jams Spy Signals! I knew rams were suspicious...
Homeless Gnomes Gather Dust in France. Poor things. Even though they give me the creeps sometimes.

There's a Garden Gnome Liberation Front? Oh, I am so there!
What about those plastic deer? And, who could forget the flamingos! Let's be fair, people, no favoritism of the plastic species!

500 Paths

I'm being pulled in 500 directions and I just want to do my whole run through the fields bit. What is with my wandering attention span? Why am I making everything into something it's SO not? In the past few weeks I've played the diplomat, the invalid, the lover, the hostess, the child, the artist, and the mercenary. Nothing makes sense and everything makes too much sense. Ah, bloody brilliant, you crazy spirit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I make of you a rainbow
I break you down to size
to bite-sized pieces
so I can have you inside.
~~AEW~~ More to come...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sanctity
of society
depends
so much
on the color
of one light
shining through
the hardest rain.

Lighthouse
Stoplight
Beacon
Outright
Downright crazy
Toy's got you hazy
On the details
but you know.

Green for leaves
Red for my fire
Yellow for a sun
Blue for my eyes
My, how time
does seem to fly
when you're waiting
for the world to die.
~~AEW~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flora & Fauna

I think it's time the wildlife of the world told humans and their political games to go to hell!
This display of human power and control over nature (a deluded sense of grandeur and a need to grasp onto life is fed by pieces of paper with presidents on them) has led to open season from aircraft on Alaskan wolves. Does anyone ever say, "oh, the human population is getting out of control again, let's shoot at people randomly from aircraft"? Oh wait, yes they do. I knew Bush had one hell of a hidden agenda, but really! War to decrease overpopulation...I say we eliminate those who take more than their fair share...No, I'm too peaceful. Right.

Oh, and by the way. Go shoot up, Bush. I hope someone figures out a way to make you pregnant. I hope you know the pain of rape and the agony of childbirth. I hope you are in danger of death from a problem pregnancy, and you realize just what the hell you've done to the thousands of women who have to choose between their child's lives and their own. Hmm..let's create even less power for women over their own bodies.

You who say you love families, what about this: you've just killed thousands of women, mothers, leaving their newborn children parentless or motherless. You don't know anything about what it's like. I'm not letting you tell me what I can and can't do with my body anymore. You look at it and I should have the right to kill you for degrading me. I'll degrade you the way you've degraded my ancestors and me. I'll tear you down and bite you, spit you out and then I'll smile when you tell me I'm hot when I'm angry.

I'm sick of talking heads, no one speaking for the rest of us, white men in their 50s deciding the future of my body or my child. Deciding my future. I'm not taking this anymore. This is not a law that protects. It's a law that kills and destroys families. You want to lash out? You think you know better? That's your choice. It's my choice. I'm not going to let you choose for me. I don't try to choose for you. It just comes down to the fact that you want to take power away from me. You must not know me very well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unhelpful laugh of the day: " Oregano on blueberry muffins? I don't think so." "But it's imported oregano..." "Well, that makes all the difference..."

"Quiero" Translation

Quiero

Quiero confundirme
entre tu piel
y la mia.

Quiero confundirme
entre el sabor de tus labios
y el sabor de los mios.

Quiero confundirme
entre los latidos de tu corazon
y los latidos de lo mio.

Pero más que nada
quiero confundirme
entre tu ser y mi ser
hasta que mi alma
se confunde
con la tuya.


I Want

I want to confuse myself
between your skin
and mine.

I want to confuse myself
between the taste of your lips
and the taste of mine.

I want to confuse myself
between your heartbeats
and mine.

But more than anything
I want to confuse myself
between yourself and mine
until my soul loses itself
in yours.

~~~~AEW~~~~

Wake-Up Call

This morning I woke up at 7:00 (after Halloween's revelries kept me up until 2:00) with a coughing fit. I was wheezing, so I sat up. All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. It felt as if my trachea closed up, and I could only make horrible, wheezing, honking sounds. I couldn't get any air at all. So all my brain would do was tell me "don't panic, don't panic." So I headed for mom & dad's room while trying to breathe slowly and calm down. Finally whatever triggered the closing of my bronchial tubes opened up again, and I was gasping for air. So I went back to the doctor's today, and after many questions and two X-rays, it turns out that I have a viral or bacterial infection in my bronchial tubes, a bronchitis-type kind of thing. Yay. Why didn't they tell me this when I saw them on Monday? I've been coughing for two weeks now! So now I get a funky cool purple inhaler with medicated dosage that could make me jittery and wired (yay, just what I need) as well as the other pills and cough meds with codine. And I need to drink 2 1/2 gallons of water a day!

It was frightening not being able to breathe. The sounds I made were horrendous, honking gasps for air. So loud I woke up Emblem from a sound sleep when I went wheezing by her door. Mom & dad worried and fretted. When I told H. about it he immediately told me to go see him, but he always says that anyway, so that doesn't count. But he was worried, especially with me being solita in the vicinity in the upcoming days. But my girls have got my back, and every co-worker, church member, neighbor, and friend of the family will be checking up on me. Again, yay.

Time to get some much-deserved sleep.